How Bio Water Urns Can Ease Your Pain
What are the five stages of grief?
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross developed the five stages of grief in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Grief is typically conceptualized as a reaction to death, though it can occur anytime reality is not what we wanted, hoped for, or expected. Shortly before her death in 2004, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler, her collaborator, completed the manuscript for her final book On Grief and Grieving.
In 2022 David Kessler published his Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, which is a journey beyond the classic five stages to discover a sixth stage: meaning.
Therefore, the correct question is:
What are the six stages of grief?
Many people look for “closure” after a loss. Kessler argues that it’s finding meaning beyond the stages of grief most of us are familiar with – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – that can transform grief into a more peaceful and hopeful experience.
Denial is considered the first of the five stages of grief. It helps us to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on, if we can go on, why we should go on. We try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle. As you accept the reality of the loss and start to ask yourself questions, you are unknowingly beginning the healing process. You are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as you proceed, all the feelings you were denying begin to surface.
Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing. The truth is that anger has no limits. It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself and your loved one who died, but also to God. You may ask, “Where is God in this? Underneath anger is pain, your pain. It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss. At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you get angry at someone, maybe a person who didn’t attend the funeral, maybe a person who isn’t around, maybe a person who is different now that your loved one has died. Suddenly you have a structure – – your anger toward them. The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto; and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing.We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.
Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything if only your loved one would be spared. “Please God, ” you bargain, “I will never be angry at my wife again if you’ll just let her live.” After a loss, bargaining may take the form of a temporary truce. “What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others. Then can I wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream?” We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements. We want life returned to what is was; we want our loved one restored. We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, stop the accident from happening…if only, if only, if only. Guilt is often bargaining’s companion. The “if onlys” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even bargain with the pain. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We remain in the past, trying to negotiate our way out of the hurt. People often think of the stages as lasting weeks or months. They forget that the stages are responses to feelings that can last for minutes or hours as we flip in and out of one and then another. We do not enter and leave each individual stage in a linear fashion. We may feel one, then another and back again to the first one.
After bargaining, our attention moves squarely into the present. Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It’s important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The first question to ask yourself is whether or not the situation you’re in is actually depressing. The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be unusual. When a loss fully settles in your soul, the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way.
Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. In resisting this new norm, at first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust. We must learn to reorganize roles, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves. Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. As we begin to live again and enjoy our life, we often feel that in doing so, we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new inter-dependencies. Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time.
As mentioned above, David Kessler has recently documented a sixth stage, which is finding meaning in how to grieve the loss of a person. Many people talk about finding “closure” after a loss, but Kessler talks about learning to remember those who have died with more love than pain and learning to move forward in a way that honors our loved ones.
During times of grief, in order to get to the 6th stage, it’s important to surround yourself with your loved ones, faith, take time off from regular responsibilities, and have good self-care. If you are already moving towards acceptance and finding meaning, it can be a good time to re-evaluate your values and priorities as well.
If you’re feeling stuck overcoming the grief, please seek for professional help. In case you may decide to celebrate your loved one’s life with a sea / water burial or Ground Burial Ceremony using one of our Bio Urns, please know we would be honored to assist you. Do not hesitate to reach out through our website Soul Trees Bio Urns. We’re here for you.
Bio Water Urns: how they can help overcome the pain.
Sea and water burial
The spreading of ashes in the sea is symbolic of the physical and emotional aspects of letting go of a loved one. It can help those who are grieving better let go of their sorrow. It can be challenging but at the same time liberating to know that when ashes are spread above and into moving waters, they are said to flow forever. This represents an eternal journey as the water moves in an infinite cycle, so scattering ashes into water is a symbolic way of identifying your loved one with that never-ending, infinite cycle. This symbolism works especially well when the scattering takes place at a flowing river or into the ocean.
If you have ever lost a loved one before, you understand how draining a funeral can be. While that is the traditional route a lot of families choose to take, the face of burial is changing. More and more are turning to scatter ashes at sea using an Eco water urn, as their preference to honor their loved one.
Scattering of ashes at sea is a time-honored tradition widely accepted throughout the world. If your loved ones loved the sea, it is a fitting way they can rest and be at one with the ocean.
You can arrange a beautiful ceremony as a very healing way of returning your loved one to nature. A memorial service on the sea attended by family and loved ones using a Bio Water Urn is a caring, peaceful and affordable way of saying your last goodbye.
What is exactly a Bio Water Urn
One of the biggest benefits of choosing a Bio Water Urn over a traditional burial undoubtedly is the fact that it’s way more beneficial for the environment. Bio Water Urns, also known as Eco Water Urns, are 100% biodegradable urns designed for water burials at sea, in a river, or on a lake near a beloved one’s home. Made of natural and biodegradable materials, they’ll float at the surface of the water for a while, allowing you the chance to say goodbye before sinking to the bottom and naturally decomposing. While weather at sea can often be unpredictable, making scattering ashes on a windy day a stressful experience, Bio Water Urns will bring a unique and special farewell to your loved one. Bio Water Urns aren’t just a good choice for lovers of the natural world, they’re also perfect for those of the Sikh and Hindu faiths.
Stand-out Features of our Bio Water Urns You Should Know
Our Bio Water Urns are made with materials that merge with the environment so that you can deposit them in any natural setting. Our sand urns and salt urns remain solid when kept at home, but as soon as they are buried or come into contact with a moist environment, they disintegrate and become part of it.
Manufactured in-house at Limbo
Limbo produces its own urns with a unique process developed in its facilities, which they have steadily improved over the last 15 years.
Natural raw materials
Our Bio Urns are made out of natural sources such as sand, soil, salt, or plant fibers, that are easily assimilated by the environment. Once they have served their purpose, they will return to nature.
Limbo carefully makes all Bio Urns by hand, paying great attention to every detail so as to produce unique creations.
Your loved one’s ashes will return to the natural environment in an environmentally friendly container made out of natural raw materials and handcrafted with love through a unique process.
Are Bio Water Urns a good alternative to burial?
Can you be buried without a coffin? The answer is Yes.
Digging into the statistics, the process of preserving and sealing corpses into caskets and then plunging them into the ground is extremely environmentally unfriendly. Toxic chemicals from the embalming, burial, and cremation process leach into the air and soil, and expose funeral workers to potential hazards. Formaldehyde, a chemical often used in traditional embalming practices, is considered harmful by many including the World Health Organization. Once in the ground, it has the potential to seep into the earth, contaminating the ground and water.
Bio Urns are made of materials that can break down on their own without leaving harmful toxins behind or damaging the environment. For people who worry about their carbon footprint, the environmental nature of their final rest also matters. A Bio Water Urn can be a way to help families achieve this goal with no energy consumption and waste.
Sea / water burial using a Bio Water Urn is not only budget-friendly but an eco-friendly option that allows life to come full circle, returning to nature in a dignified and respectful way.
What is the difference between a Bio Water Urn and a Bio Urn?
Bio Water Urns are salt and sand urns that can survive a really long time in a dry place. However, since designed for sea / water burials, when placed in water they will gently float momentarily and then gracefully sink, allowing the loved one’s ashes to be returned to the biosphere.
Bio Urns, or more specifically the Bios Urn and Sand Urns, are cremation tree urns designed for ground burial, to allow your loved ones to return to life after life, in the form of a tree. Once placed the ashes inside the urn, it can be planted with an indigenous seedling of choice both in your backyard and in a planter.
You can learn more about the difference between the Urns in our article Urn or Bios Urn? What is the Difference Between Them?